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Scarry Thoughts

Darby, my five year old, wants to know what I will be when I grow up. This is a perfectly reasonable question. After all, her Daddy just finished law school in May and is now making a complete career change as he starts his new position as an attorney. So what do I want to be? This question used to seem less complicated. I guess because I figured I had decades to figure it out. While my prognosis is great, it's never exactly a good thing to discover breast cancer at 35. So I am facing this question with a new sense of urgency. What do I want for my life? What will I be when I grow up?

My daughters love to read Richard Scarry's The Bunny Book. This sweet Golden Book story is all about a family pondering what the cute baby bunny will be when he grows up.

After all sorts of iterations and ideas about what he will become it is finally revealed that he will, in fact, be a Daddy rabbit. This will be his purpose. His job will be to play with and raise up his kits. Each time we read this bedtime story I think to myself, thank goodness I got to grow up to be a Mommy. I realize that it isn't everyone's purpose or goal to become a parent. But it was part of my personal dream; in my heart-of-hearts I hoped for two girls. I am lucky that my dream came true when it did, because now that cancer has touched my life the option of bearing more children is gone for good. So next time Darby asks me what I will be when I grow up, I will simply reply that my ultimate purpose and duty is to love her and her sister and to be a Mommy.


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